I am really excited to tell you and share my thoughts with you about ‘mirroring’ because it was mind-blowing when I first learned about this concept. It made me look at everything so differently and has changed how I react to situations as well; I am hoping it will do the same for you. I have already started telling people about this concept, and I received very interesting reactions, some were intrigued, and others were mind boggled. Get ready to live in a different reality! Here you go:
The concept: we all mirror the people we surround ourselves with, our family, our friends, and our partners. - It seems simple, but it is much more complicated.
During childhood, all of us get taught what aspects within us are acceptable and what are not. We then decide to disown any part within us that was viewed as unacceptable by the culture we lived in and made a split within ourselves to fit in and be approved of by the community we were brought up in, to survive and be loved. A lot of our personality structure has been created by what our social group decided was bad or good. The issue here is you cannot get rid of a part of yourself, so it becomes suppressed, blocked from our awareness, and becomes a part of our subconscious mind. However, it is still a force of attraction within us, and because the law of attraction is the most powerful law in this world, it responds and acknowledges what is unconsciously blocked until we become aware of it.
We attract people and relationships into our lives that mirror our subconscious self to become conscious of that aspect within ourselves, in order to have a sense of wholeness. If we are unaware and have suppressed that part within ourselves, we run into these mirrors in our relationships. We do the exact same thing with that person that is mirroring us that we did initially with the aspect within ourselves, which could be pushing away, disowning, rejecting, and denying that part within us – and this is truly where relationship issues start.
Furthermore, this can be an emotion or personality trait that you have rejected, or someway you treat yourself that the universe is trying to get you to become aware of, whether it is something that happens again and again in our relationships or a characteristic that someone has in a relationship that triggers you. You will most probably have limiting beliefs in these areas that you may want to work through.
Here are a few examples of how we mirror each other to get you started:
Example 1
Say for some reason you keep finding guys who are attracted to you that are clingy and needy and you can't stand that, but for some reason, you keep attracting the same guy.
Example 2:
You have a friend that is a control fanatic, you may laugh at them, get angry at them but most likely there is a part of you that also loves control but maybe in a different way. Perhaps you like to have control over your career, but she likes to control what she eats.
Example 3:
Someone at work treats you like you’re not worthy enough. Most likely the only reason they are treating you like that is because you believe you are not worthy.
Example 4:
If two people in a couple get mad at each other and it doesn’t seem like there is any solution, but they both feel powerless in the situation they are mirroring each other.
Example 5:
People keep betraying you in different ways, and you keep getting hurt by others because there is a part within you that is betraying yourself. This happens, for instance, every time you choose to do something, you don't want to do.
Before I continue, I would like to put a disclaimer.
Disclaimer: I am not saying anything that has happened to you is your fault, nor am I saying anything terrible that has happened to you is deserved, I am not saying that things people have done to you were right in any way. I am focused on how you can take your power back from any given situation.
How to start to become aware of mirroring:
The first and main sign of becoming aware of when someone is mirroring you is when someone triggers you. When you get angry, upset, irritated, defensive, or frustrated by someone or a situation, it is probably triggering you in some way. It is more about how you react to someone or something to see if you are getting triggered, and thus find out if that person is mirroring a part of you that you need to work on.
Once you become triggered, it is easier just to blame the other person for what they have done, but what if for a second instead, you start to question if you are getting mirrored by someone and if so why have you attracted that into your life. What belief or part of yourself needs to be looked at or needs to be loved?
Here are some questions you can ask
What am I learning from this situation?
What part of me is trying to talk to me through another person?
Do I have any suppressed emotions?
Are there two parts of me that are conflicted?
What emotion or part of me do I need to embrace more?
Do the people in my life embrace who I am or want to be?
Do I attract healthy relationships in my life?
Do people respect me?
Do people see me as powerful?
Who is in my life? What parts do I like about them and what parts don’t I like about them? – Responses to these questions can tell you a lot about yourself and what parts of yourself you are rejecting.
Once I became aware of ‘mirroring’ and started questioning things myself, I realized I had so much suppressed anger within me that I did not even know I had. It was only until I began to question why the people around me were angry or wanted to create some sort of conflict with me, did I realize what was happening. I then started to realize people were mirroring me and I began to examine whether it was a part of myself that I had rejected, something I had suppressed or a belief that no longer served me. Once I began to work on the concept of ‘mirroring’ within me, I started releasing and letting go of the resentment and anger I was feeling and changed my perspective on how I viewed conflict. I also realized that I had conflict within my life because I was fighting with myself about which road I should go down and both my head and heart were not backing down. I finally realised that I had to find a solution to resolve the conflict within myself for it to stop being attracted into my life.
A reason why it is helpful to question an aspect of your life that you think is caused by mirroring is that it helps you get out of a victim mentality and instead helps you become victorious and take a certain amount of responsibility for what you're attracting in your life. I know me saying this will trigger some of you. I don’t say this lightly because I know people who have gone through a lot and that are still dealing with things just want to be like - "nope that was totally someone else’s fault and not mine." I want to point out that in no way is it or will it be your fault, and it is okay to feel like a victim if you need to at this time, it's very easy to fall into that, and I have fallen into it before. Most importantly, it’s about whether you want to stay the victim or not and if you're going to consciously give your power away to someone or a situation; it’s also about whether or not you want to become victorious and choose to stand up and say I am no longer going to let these events in my life define me anymore.
Whether you realize it or not, the minute you take responsibility for how you might have contributed to something or someone coming into your life to learn and grow, you gain so much more back. If you want to get out of that low vibration of blaming everything on everyone else about what you are going through, that’s up to you - but you will continue creating that into your life if you do not learn to become conscious of it. Instead, allow yourself to say: ‘yes it was horrible, but I choose to grow from it, I learned from the person and experience,’ then you can forgive the person and let go of the resentment. Then ask yourself, ‘what part of myself did I not notice that attracted this particular situation or aspect into my life – is it something I am rejecting within myself?’ Take responsibility, not for anyone else’s role, but yours, your life and your journey when it comes to this. By the way, this can even be for all the beautiful things that are in yourself and your life as well; it goes both ways, we can even embrace the fantastic parts of ourselves and also the great things we are attracting into our lives. Embracing good emotions is just as important as examining the negative ones.
What do you do when someone triggers you because they have mirrored an aspect within you that you have disowned?
1. Recognize when this happens and become aware of it.
2. Instead of reacting straightaway, question how you have triggered that person and why you are getting triggered.
3. Recognize what is inside of you that is trying to get your attention.
4. Think about that person or situation in your life, and see what feelings or emotions emerge. Allow yourself to feel those emotions and feelings until they dissipate - this may take a few minutes or a few hours – depending on the situation.
5. Work on your beliefs, if it is a situation that is affecting you. Click here to know and understand how to do that.
6. If there is any resentment towards the situation or person, you will need to work on letting it go through forgiveness. It is not always easy to forgive at first, so it may take time to forgive a person truly, but you can start by writing a letter to them to express your feelings, and if you want to feel better about a situation, you can do the same thing. You don't have to send the letter, if you do not want to because it is more about letting your feelings out, rather than suppressing them.
7. If you find that you are rejecting a part of yourself then write a letter to that part of yourself and include the following:
Express how you are feeling and why
Acknowledge that part of yourself
Accept that part of yourself
State what you need to feel betterAsk what that part of yourself needs
Ask for forgiveness to that part of yourself
Then move and sit somewhere else and write another letter, but this time write is as you are the part that you reject.
State how that part is feeling
State the things that part needs from you to feel better
State whether or not that part of you can comply with what you have asked for and whether they can forgive you
Once you have written out the needs of both sides, move back to your original spot and see if you can come to a win/win solution with what you have written for both sides.
For example, say one part of you wants a relationship, but the other part of you is scared. Maybe all you need is for that part of you that is scared to be more open to the idea and to go out more. Perhaps, the part of you that is scared needs you to make sure you acknowledge it and take it seriously when situations come up, and that you will take things slowly until that they are no longer scared to take the next step. It is about coming out with a win/win solution that you are both happy with and that you both feel heard.
8. Any time a particular feeling or emotion surfaces, feel it and say I hear you, I am aware of you, and I accept you, even if you do this to start with, it will help you so much!
Every day is a new adventure, every day you change and every day from now on you can learn and be guided by your emotions, feelings, circumstances, and people in your life rather than be controlled by them. Let mirroring help the way you deal with people in your life and help you break free. Mirroring can not only help you but also can help others if you can find what aspect you are mirroring within someone else that they are not aware of yet. However, to prevent them from getting extremely triggered by it, my advice is to be very sensitive when approaching the topic.
Now I hope these tips help. If you want more, make sure to check out my other blog posts.
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PS: I am genuinely grateful for every single one of you reading this and am sending unconditional
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