Recently, I have become aware of all the toxic patterns and relationships we can have that a lot of the time we don’t even realize. Lately, I have been reexamining what toxic relationships I want to work on and get rid of all together. When I am talking about toxic relationships, I mean particular relationships such as addictions to smoking and drinking, relationships with food, technology, money, or any other type of thing that you don't have the healthiest relationship with . Many times, your toxic relationship with certain things in your life could be causing you to attract toxic relationships into your life. Working on either ditching the toxic relationship or working on actually creating a healthy relationship with the things in your life could help you attract more healthy relationships with people in your life. It’s about starting with the relationship with yourself and the things around you before you see the difference in your outer world. It is so common to have these toxic relationships with things in your life and not even notice it, but it is important to. I can sit here and write out all I know about dealing with toxic relationships with people in your life and maybe I can do that in the future, so please comment below if you do. However, it goes so much deeper, and yes, it will help, but it still might not solve who and what you’re attracting. I could tell you to set boundaries with people, become aware of your worth, really see if you want that person in your life anymore, remembering you are enough and that you deserve to be treated better. I can tell you all of this, but if you don’t treat yourself the way you want someone else to, if you choose to have toxic relationships with things that harm you, or do things like depriving yourself of something that you give in to a week or a month later, this will only cause more of a dysfunctional relationship with the things in your life. It is time for the toxicity to stop and for you to create better relationships with the things in your life. The main reason we stay in the toxic relationships with the things in our lives is because a part of us thinks it will bring us pleasure and happiness; however, for the majority of the time things only give us temporary happiness and pleasure and long-term harm or problems. It is time to change the story, reexamine the relationships in your life, and realize how they are affecting you.
The first time is becoming aware of it!
Examine the relationships with the things in your life. Identify what you depend on and how you de-stress. Is there something that you need to have
to feel better? Work out if they are in control of you or are you free in the relationship you have with the things in your life. Go down the list and see what is harming you more than helping you. Are you really getting something back from the things in your life or are you the only one giving your energy and power away? Really, start becoming aware of the patterns and relationships in your life.
Here are some of the things you can consider, some I have already mentioned:
1. Cigarettes, e-cigarettes/vapes, IQOS cigarettes, drugs, alcohol – Do you have a relationship with any of these? If so, why? What are the reasons you think you can’t live without them, or the reasons you choose to allow them to control you when all they are really doing is harming you? Think for a moment and you might realize that they could just be giving you a moment of relief, rather than long-term happiness or the satisfaction that you need in your life. If any of those truly did satisfy a need, you wouldn’t need to have more right after, would you? It doesn’t help you run away from your problems, it doesn’t help to relax you, it actually just causes you to have more problems later on and actually creates more anxiety and stress than relaxation. Whatever you believe is the reason you allow yourself to continue an addiction is probably not doing what you think it is and trust me I have been there, I know. The difference I found, for example, for me giving up smoking was that I reexamined my relationship with cigarettes and IQOS cigarettes. I woke up and realized that I was no longer in control of this relationship and I wasn’t getting anything out of it but problems. I decided to change my thinking when it came to this, and the more I was able to change what I was thinking and reexamine this relationship, I was able to make the decision that I no longer wanted it anymore. This was the moment I freed myself from harming myself! I stopped allowing this toxic relationship to have power over me and I realized that I could actually finally start giving myself what I needed to make myself happier without the things that have been controlling me, thus creating space for healthier and better relationships to come into my life.
2. Food and certain drinks especially those that have caffeine.
Don’t get me wrong I love a cup of coffee myself and we need food to survive, that is why I have put these two separate because you might just have a dysfunctional and toxic relationship with them. But in this case, you can either remove certain relationships with certain items of food and drink forever, or you can decide to keep them but start setting some boundaries and working on the relationships you have especially when it comes to food. I know for me in the last few years the food I have has changed and I no longer have certain foods or drinks anymore that I once did. For example, I decided to cut out coffee, but have it from time to time and now drink a healthy alternative to it. Nevertheless, the dysfunction and toxicity, goes even deeper when it comes to food, especially in society nowadays. I can admit I am still working on my relationship with food; it isn’t where I want it to be but it has definitely improved over the last few years. It is alarming how society has made many of us obsess about our weight. Diet culture comes in many forms, some diets may prove to work for some people, while others don’t and this can lead to disappointment and frustration. Yes, these diets have worked for a limited period and results show this, but as soon as people go back to their normal way of eating after weeks of depriving themselves of certain foods, they discover not only are they back to their original weight, but they have gained more. Whether to include carbs or fats is a whole debate! There are so many diets out there telling people what is good or not good to eat that only causes confusion and more of a dysfunction when it comes to food and the relationship we have with food. In many cases, the majority of diets out there that people are on are causing negative effects on our relationship with food, rather than solving it.
The biggest relationship issue we have is the value and blame we put on food, which we believe is making us put on weight and causing us problems. We have put so much blame on food and, in particular certain foods, depriving ourselves from not having them, feeling guilty when we do, which can very easily lead to developing eating disorders. I have a long way to go when it comes to the relationship with food and my weight, but I know I have gotten to times in the past where I would just prefer not to eat at all, which isn’t the healthiest relationship when it comes to my body and food. But then I stopped and really thought about my relationship with food and realized that this whole dilemma is just not about food at all, but something else. It is about the value and beliefs we put on food; the need we think we are meeting by having certain foods, the reasons, and beliefs about why we have been allowing certain foods to control us. Healing our relationship with food is important and it might take time, but it is important to start thinking about it, to become conscious of that relationship. It is really about identifying what kind of a relationship you have with it, whether or not you’re taking responsibility for your actions for blaming food, whether or not you are allowing food to control your life and allowing food to meet your needs temporarily, which can cause more problems especially relationship problems long term. You could also have a love-hate relationship with food and blame food. Once you have identified your relationship with food, it’s about changing your limiting beliefs about food and how you see food. It is about shifting the reality you have with food, taking back responsibility and accountability for your part, your body and how you feel. It is about realizing, that certain foods are not your enemy and you need to forgive them.
Start reintroducing yourself to food again, take off the value and opinions of others you have given it and start afresh. Start dating your food, take it out, take it for a meal and allow yourself to be present with your food, allow all your five senses to become aware of the food in front of you! Be present with every bite; be present after you eat to see how you feel afterwards. If you intuitive feel good or bad after the food you eat, understand the reason why you are having the food you are having, and understand if you are meeting your need for hunger for food, or is it another hunger such an emotional hunger, is there an emotional need that isn’t being met? I know I have said a lot about food but I also mentioned caffeine. You can still identify the same thing as food and your relationship with it, why you feel you need it and whether or not you are having too much or not, and if you have an unhealthy relationship with caffeine, which you can simply see if it is affecting your life in some way. It might be becoming toxic and it is time to reexamine your relationship with it. To be honest you can follow what I have said also when I was discussing cigarettes and alcohol, especially if you feel it has become more of an addiction. The main thing to remember is - there is a difference between loving something and being addicted and not being able to live without it.
This section is really about connecting with your body again (which I have a whole blog about and you can check it out - click here), trusting your body to guide you and change your relationship to a healthier one, or realizing that it is time to move on from certain foods or drinks. At the end of the day, what I have realized more and more is that when it comes to anything - it is about balance! If you are going to continue to be in a relationship with certain foods or drinks, it is about balance and listening to your body. I know I will be following my own advice because it is really changing our view on food in society nowadays, which can even than affect our relationship with our bodies. To be honest working on a relationship with your body is a totally other blog, but if you have issues and have a toxic relationship with food, you most probably have a dysfunctional and harmful relationship with your body. What I will say for now is forget a moment what you think has happened to your body from food, or blaming your body for how it is and what it looks like, and remind yourself of the magical things your body does for you every day! Remind yourself how it has been helping you survive your whole life, how no matter what harm you put it through it is still there for you helping you to live and survive and live out your purpose. I think I have taken my body for granted for years, have you? I think it’s time to show it more appreciation every day, your body deserves it, and it will help with the relationship you have with it.
3. Technology! Now this is another relationship, which can be or become toxic - but the same applies. Identify if you have a problem with it, do you have to have your phone everywhere you go, can you not go anywhere without it, what will happen if you don’t have it, are you on the phone all the time, or on your laptop? How has that been serving you? Are you distracting yourself from something? Are you trying to meet an emotional need? How has technology been affecting you? How have you been allowing technology to control you? What are you trying to escape from? Can you live without it? If not, why? Understand your relationship with technology and if it is toxic. Like I said before, when it comes to food, it is about setting boundaries with technology, creating a balance, taking back control, and shifting your limiting beliefs around technology and become aware how you can meet your needs without it.
4. Money, when it comes to money and how little or often you spend, do you have a healthy relationship with it, or do you need to shift your beliefs when it comes to money and attracting it in your life. Are there beliefs of lack or greed? Are there pressures or resentment when it comes to money? Are your emotions too strongly attached to how much money you have? Have you allowed money to control you and what you do? Are you scared to spend more, or do you spend too much? Do you allow the need for money to pressure you? I know the overwhelming stress of allowing money to be in control of your life. I know that money is important for people to feel a sense of security and stability in life; however, the relationship you have with money can affect you from having it and attracting it into your life, especially if you see money as a bad thing and blame money for the lack of it in your life. If you want security, stability with more money coming into your life, it is about working on your relationship with money, changing your limiting beliefs around money and shifting how you see it. It can go the other way as well! If you love money and are too obsessed with it, it can become a toxic relationship! If that’s the case then it is about identifying why that might be, and realizing whatever you are trying to get from money or the needs you are trying to meet can be with something else, or it’s just a case of creating a balance in your relationship that is healthier.
I could sit here all day and give a lot of things that you could have a toxic relationship with but it is important for you to start identifying some of your own relationships, as well as whether it is an addiction to shopping, or things like shoes, or even the relationship with yourself, your body, the relationship with your inner critic, the relationship with your home, with water. Whatever it is, there are so many relationships we have every day that we are unaware of. You have a relationship with the seat you are sitting on right now, if you realize it right now or not. Start becoming aware of the relationships in your life, not just the people, but also the things in your life. Take back your power one-step at a time, one relationship at a time and start redefining what those relationship are and if you want them in your life. You deserve to have healthy and vibrant relationships in your life and to create space for those types of relationships to come in. Stop allowing what others think to be louder than your own intuition when it comes to any of these relationships and how to move forward. Start reexamining your relationships today.
That is it for now! I hope this has helped!
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Question of the day: Are you going to choose to reexamine the relationships with the things in your life or allow them to continue to control you?
Remember you are not alone!
PS: I am genuinely grateful for every single one of you reading this and am sending unconditional love your way!
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