Ever since I was a young girl, I lived in fear and struggled with the idea of what safety meant to me. I quickly learned that the best way to survive in life was to be invisible and quiet; it seemed that I had lost my voice and my inner power. Growing up, I found myself confronted with the idea of living in fear and triggered by others through conflict to embrace my voice and inner power. It was easier for me to be unseen and safe, rather than to be recognized and pressured into speaking up or standing up for myself. As time went on, I realized that what I was experiencing would only get worse, so I decided to stand up for myself. However, what I encountered was the opposite of what I expected - the loss of love. I became tortured by the idea. The more I stood up for myself, the more I found people not being able to accept me, or realize how they were genuinely affecting me. Due to this, I ended up losing people that I cared about deeply. I reverted into my shell and continued living in fear and consequently became depressed, feeling stuck and trapped, not knowing how to get myself out of the situation, both in my home and social life.
Living in such a harsh environment was extremely hard for me because I am a very sensitive person which people around me did not always understand. They would see me as overdramatic or too sensitive, which also affected me, although I did not realize how much at the time. I only realized later that being sensitive gave me the ability to be a very empathic person, enabling me to help others more effectively. Instead of embracing my sensitivity and how empathic I am, I rejected it for years. I realize now that my sensitivity was a gift of intuitiveness and a profound recognition of people’s energy around me. I realized that this was the one thing that helped me to feel safe and survive in worrying circumstances. Nevertheless, experiencing my feelings and emotions as well as the energy of people around me was, at times, overwhelming and being unaware of the benefits, resulted in me not understanding how to control it at that time, which then contributed to me feeling depressed and trapped.
For a long time, I struggled with that, and my depression consumed me. I prayed for months for a way to overcome it, and finally, it seemed like I had found the solution I had so longed for. It first began when I realized that I had to discover why I felt the way I did. I started researching my symptoms online and matched them with my own – the results indicated – depression. I became fascinated with what depression was and how I could overcome it. I researched it for days and read a lot of literature about it and finally came across a book that helped save my life. I gained the knowledge, understanding, and techniques to slowly but surely overcome my depression. Studying this topic enabled me to become passionate about something in my life again after losing interest in everything else– a distinct turning point. Learning about psychology and how the human mind works, I finally found a way to help myself and in doing so, found a way to help others. I finally found my path, and my purpose in life.
I moved away from home and spent a year by myself studying psychology, learning about human behaviour, and the emotional effects that can occur due to someone’s circumstances. However, during this period, I discovered that I was so focused on my future and my career that I found I had closed myself off from people. I had put a bandage on my wounds. I hadn’t healed myself fully nor dealt with the traumas I had experienced, and I had lost parts of myself. I had stopped getting too close to anyone to avoid getting hurt again. I avoided conflict as much as I could and ran away from everything else that I couldn’t handle. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing until I noticed that I wasn’t making any significant relationships while I was studying. I was so focused on where I was going, I forgot about the rest. When I realized what I was doing, I had to make a choice. I had to decide to either continue to keep people at a distance to protect my heart or have enough faith to open up again. I decided to take the plunge to trust myself and build new meaningful relationships while having the courage to open my heart again. Additionally, I realized I was running away from issues to do with my family but finally decided to stop running and to start working through my feelings and trauma. I decided to get all I had been bottling up and to start writing it out.
After the year away, I decided to move to where my mum was living and complete my degree in psychology. Things began to change positively for me, and I began to build meaningful relationships and started bringing back parts of myself, I thought that had died. Once I completed my degree, however, parts of myself and my past, I hadn’t dealt with started to reappear after I graduated. I found myself feeling stuck and trapped again but for different reasons this time. I questioned and was uncertain about how I was going to move forward and how I could afford to continue pursuing my education? The one thing that had helped me for so long was now inaccessible, and I struggled to identify a way out. I had become lost yet again. I had specific belief systems, to do with expressing myself and feeling a sense of powerlessness, which I realized I had not healed from as much as I thought I had and found they were still controlling me and my life.
I began researching to identify where and what my next step should be. In my search, I came across new perspectives on how to see things, how to heal myself and became so aware of things I never took notice of before. Everything seemed to click, and more and more things started to make sense as if I knew them all along, and I experienced a spiritual awakening. Each day seemed to bring new realizations, new ways, and techniques to help myself and to help others.
While I had started overcoming certain things and healing parts of myself, I became drawn to Theta Healing – my next step forward. I became certified as a Theta Healer and gained so much more knowledge to help myself and others. I had finally found a way to heal the parts of myself that I had rejected and beliefs I didn’t even know I had. I began to find my voice and the knowledge that was always inside of me. Soon after, the need to spread awareness and help others through what I had learned became inevitable – a blog! I had continuously thought about blogging – as writing has always been very grounding, healing, and calming for me. It also came very naturally to me so, I finally decided to start this blog.
My journey has been tough but amazing. I have been able to heal, embrace, and work towards truly loving myself. I have been able to heal aspects of feeling the need to be invisible to be safe, feeling powerless due to circumstances, rejecting parts of myself, and so much more. I no longer betray myself or what I want. I am now able to be proud of where I am, while feeling more powerful as each day goes past. Today I am proud to say that I have the bravery and courage to embrace being seen and that every day my love grows even stronger for both the light and darker sides of myself. Now every day is a new adventure, and with each day I learn new aspects I have not yet discovered about myself and the world. I am now able to live in this present moment and appreciate it as well as look forward to the future. I am finally on a new journey and a new beginning full of undeniable possibilities and growth, and I want to take you with me.
I want to help you do the same, no matter what your circumstances are. I want to help inspire, motivate, and help you heal through my words. I want to provide you with my help and advice and offer new perspectives on life to help you deal with your struggles, no matter how big or small you may think they are. My wish is for this blog to be a place where people can come to feel supported and guided.
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Question of the day: Do you choose love or fear? Comment below!
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PS: I am genuinely grateful for every single one of you reading this and am sending unconditional love your way!
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