Do you feel powerful? Do you want to feel powerful? Are you scared of being powerful? Do you see power as something negative? Do you only associate power with money and people in charge?
Power often gets a bad rep! Many people don't even realise it but more often than not they view power negatively, and the majority of the time this is because of what they have gone through as a child and the beliefs they formed during that period of time. People who do view power negatively, often give their power away to others and tend to feel powerless when they don't have control in a situation.
Negative views of power are formed in childhood in the following ways:
Abusive parents and guardians can negatively impact on how a child sees power and how they associate with power later on in life, resulting in them using negative coping strategies in order to try and regain power again.
People trying to control or trap them or feel like someone has power over them.
Authority figures that represent power negatively - when this occurs it results in the child feeling subconsciously powerless. This leads them to view power in the same way as the authority figure in their life, which then results in fear of becoming powerful like that person and rejecting it.
For a long time, I saw power as a bad thing, and I rejected power and I didn’t want anything to do with it. When I finally realized that I had been associating power with so much negativity and denying a part of myself, I was amazed about how much I was letting power control me and what constantly feeling powerless was doing to me and my life. The moment it changed for me was when I realised the true meaning of power. Thus, I was finally able to accept that part within myself that was associated with power and was no longer afraid of becoming powerful.
To show you what true power is, I am first going to show you what true power is not and how to deal with it.
Power is not:
Being controlling - This usually means you are trying to gain power by controlling a person or situation
Anger - Getting angry and mad at others in order to feel more powerful
Manipulation - manipulating others to get what you want
Guilt - To make others feel guilty or shame to get what you want.
Punishing someone - in order to feel more powerful and in control.
8 ways you are giving your power away
1. Trying to control or being controlled by others.
You give your power away doing the following:
Trying to control others can become consuming and very frustrating when others don’t want to be controlled. This results in a pull and push dynamic, ending in giving your energy and power away to a situation.
Allowing others to control you makes you feel more powerless and trapped in your circumstances.
Tip!
One way to release your control over others and situations is to learn acceptance. Learn how to accept yourself and others for who and how they are. You can start to do this by focusing on positive attributes you or other people have.
2. Resentment
You give your power away doing the following:
Every time you resent someone or a situation and you hold a grudge and can’t let it go.
The more time you spend thinking about a person and the problem at hand adds to this.
Tip!
You can start by making a list of all the resentments and grudges you are holding on to. Write a letter to each person who has hurt you in the past. You don't have to do anything with your letter, and if you feel like you want to tear it up, do it, it's up to you. The most important thing is to get those feelings out and down on paper.
3. Anger
You give your power away doing the following:
Every time you get angry at a person or situation.
Every time you let one negative thing affect your whole day.
Every time you suppress your anger in order to avoid dealing with your emotions.
Tips!
Don't reject your anger - that is the worst thing you can do because it is like you are rejecting a part of yourself. The feelings you have are a part of you, and they are there to help you become aware of things you need to know.
Don't suppress your anger, it needs to be released, otherwise it will just stay stuck and trapped within you.
Do - Become aware of the anger and allow yourself the emotions that arise within you. Sit with your feelings and allow them to pass! - It is not always pleasant, but it is needed, other wise you are still allowing your anger to control you instead of taking control of it.
Do - Ask yourself the following:
Why you are so angry?
What is the worst thing about the situation, at hand?
What will help you let go of this anger? - ask the part of you that is angry, what you can do to help it feel better.
Do - Express your anger out loud when you are alone if you need to, or even scream into a pillow, if it makes you feel better. Express and write out how you are feeling. Phone a friend or someone you can talk to about the situation if you need to. By expressing how you are feeling you are releasing the anger rather than suppressing it within yourself.
One thing to note - If you have a heated argument with someone, it is not helpful in any way for you or the other person to continue. Before it blows up completely take a step back and ask to have five or ten minutes to cool down - if you need more time, take it. Once you have moved away from the situation take a few deep breaths, talk it out in your mind and try and find a solution to the argument at hand before going back to the person. Take a few more deep breaths and think about something that makes you happy or even visualize it, if you like. This will help you to be in a better state of mind and prevent any more damage being done to you or the other person. This will also give you the opportunity to go back to person in a more calm and rational state of mind which will help both of you to solve the issue at hand. - This can help you and your relationships a lot so consider taking this on board.
4. Constant Complaining
You give your power away doing the following:
Every time you are complaining about a situation and can't let it go.
Every time you are complaining about a person in your life and can't let it go.
Note - This is not to say that you can't express how you are feeling; it is more about feeling the need to constantly talk and complain about a person or situation.
Tips!
The first thing to do is to ask yourself: why you feel the need to complain about something and how it is serving you?
Next, instead of focusing on what you are complaining about, find a way or solution that can help you create what you want instead. The solution-based mind technique works every time - click here to read more about it.
Another tool to use which I love and use all the time is to say, ‘cancel’ every time I catch myself complaining, or even just thinking negatively. Once you get into the habit of doing this, it will become automatic. This one is highly recommended!
5. Guilt and Regret
You give your power away doing the following:
Every time you feel guilty or bad for not doing something for someone.
Every time you regret something you did.
Tips!
Guilt and regret can consume you if you let it; instead of allowing that ask yourself the following:
Why do I feel guilty?
What regrets do I have and why?
How is it serving me to feel guilty?
How is it serving me to hold on to regret?
Recognise that everything that has happened to you is for a reason, and each experience has taught you something.
Realise that it is okay to make mistakes because they aren't really mistakes, they are experiences you have learned and grown from in order to become the person you are meant to be. - i.e the best version of yourself - you can't get there if you are still holding on to the past.
Whatever the situation is, it may look bad but just remember it could have been much worse. - Be grateful it wasn't and that you survived.
Focus on what went right and override what went wrong.
6. Not having boundaries
You give your power away doing the following:
When you allow yourself to constantly spend time around negative people.
When you allow others to control what you do and when you do it.
When you want to say 'no' but you say 'yes' to someone or something.
When you say 'yes' and you want to say 'no' to someone or something.
Tips!
Creating healthy boundaries is crucial to your own health and wellbeing.
Say what you want to do instead feeling pressured in doing something you may not want to do. It is easier said than done I know, especially if guilt is involved, but if that's the case focus on the guilt and regret section above.
When it came to setting boundaries in my own life I realised by not setting boundaries with others I was actually betraying myself each time. When I realised this, a big shift happened in my life.Once I realised what I was doing and how it was affecting me it helped me be more firm with people. I was also able to create my own boundaries and stick to them. Additionally, I realised that if I wanted to be respected and treated better, I needed to treat myself in the same way. - It is important to identify if you are doing the same thing in your life.
7. Lack of self-worth
You give your power away doing the following:
Every time you decide someone’s opinion matters more than your own, you give your power away.
Every time you care more about how others perceive you and decide to put a mask on, or not be who you are, you are giving your power away.
Tips!
Stop criticizing yourself - every time you do say ‘cancel’ and say something positive about yourself.
Stop comparing yourself to others - you are beautiful and unique, and you have something special to give to the world.
Say ‘stop’ every time you find yourself comparing yourself with someone else.Say things to yourself that you would say to a friend and be kind and compassionate toward yourself.
8. Self-doubt
You give your power away doing the following:
Allowing other people’s opinions matter more than your own.
Allowing others to question and make you doubt yourself and your decisions about your goals and choices in life.
Letting other people’s criticisms about you or what you’re doing affect you to the extent that you doubt yourself.
Tips:
Work on your beliefs associated with yourself and your capabilities.
Say: ‘cancel’ every time you discourage yourself.Look at all you have achieved over the years. Your opinion is the one that matters at the end of the day.
The most useful tool I found is to focus on why I am doing something and how I am going to contribute to others, rather than how I will look to others.
Remember that your opinion matters, you matter and what you have to say matters.
Become victorious and stand up for yourself and what you want.
True power is:
Accepting yourself completely
Embracing who you are
Authentically expressing yourself
Having a voice
Knowing your worth
Believing in your worth
Inspiring others
Empowering yourself and others
Once we start taking these steps forward we not only help ourselves but the people around us as well. Let's start using power for good and create the life we desire. Life can be heaven on earth if we allow ourselves to believe that. Start today and realise the true power within yourself.
Now I hope these tips help. If you want more tips, make sure to check out my other blog posts.
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PS: I am genuinely grateful for every single one of you reading this and am sending unconditional love your way!
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